Cambridge / Dulwich 2009 
Game 1 - St.Catherine's College, Cambridge
A fine win for the Strollers as they returned to the scene of a 2008 mauling from the students of St Catharine's. Victory was engineered through an excellent all-round team performance with all bowlers (7 used) contributing wickets and a fine fielding performance backing up a decent knock from Hollers (144). Man-of-the-match, Whitey, returned remarkable figures of 1 over, 2 for 11 and set up the evening adventures which incorporated a boat race victory, a late night kebab and champagne glasses of lager for local lovelies.
Remarkably all XI Strollers arrived some 30 minutes before play and this period was well utilised by former skipper and opener Tom Fletcher, who used the mental preparation time to steel himself for a 4 ball duck. The innings though was steadied by Luke (27) and Carey (9) before Hollers finally pressed the accelerator to move to a useful 144, having scratched around early in his innings. Failures from McGuirk (0) and Young (4) drew inevitable rises but were small-fry compared to the ribbing suffered by Bristow as his new £500 bat proved a worthless investment as he bagged a golden duck.
Although the Strollers attack looked a little rusty in this first outing of the season, it proved sufficient to run through a Catz outfit over-reliant on 3 recognised top-order batters. Rick and Drew Carey bagged early wickets for the visitors before the Liquorice (all-sorts) bowling of Jonny A, Tom Fletcher (3 cheap tail-end wickets), Paddy and MOTM Whitey finished off the students. Most disappointing perhaps was 2008 Player of the Season Carey, whose fitness levels have dropped alarmingly over the winter months. Exhausted after a handful of overs he was dispatched to the outfield where his inability to reach below his waistline (expanded) or run at more than a trot, gifted the Cambridge college 20-30 bonus runs. Questions have been asked of his off-field regime and talk is that he may be sent to Samit Patel's remedial cricketer fitness school for an intensive shape-up prior to the stellar (not Stella Carey) fixtures later in the summer.
The students proved to be a fine opposition. Good natured, friendly, tweed jacketed and eager to drink their way through the £400 kitty. Iceman was dealt with appropriately after his unsportsmanlike comments at dinner and Jeremy Allen took an early lead in the Players' Player category with his VIP facilitation at Cindies nightclub. The evening unfolded in traditional/predictable fashion as monocles enjoyed the dance-floor, team hugs greeted every recognisable 80s cheese classic, Marc Mariot introduced Catz boys to real drinking and would-be lotharios were given short shrift at every turn.
Player Ratings Cambridge
Simon Holliday - A half decent knock of 144 was overshadowed by a woeful performance in the field. Loses 2 points for defacing the Players' player trophy at the 2008 annual dinner. 5
Tom Fletcher - Got the game off to a terrible start with his second ball duck, but made up for it somewhat with 3 cheap wickets. After the debacle of 2008, most were grateful that he just made it on time. 3
Luke Fletcher - Decent knock of 26, and although he bowled reasonbly well, he threatened to bring the game into disrepute with a wild beamer (again). 6.5
Paddy McGuirk - Plum lbw for a duck, hugely controversial team talk for the second year in succession, and contributed nothing in the field. Bonus point for organising tour saves his from the first ever negative score. 0.5
Simon Young - Looked out of touch with the bat, but kept tidily enough. Question marks over his administration of the biggest ever strollers kitty, as the team had to cough up for their own breakfast on Sunday morning. 5
Duncan Brown - One of only 3 players to get into double figures. Fielded well on the boundary. Big improvement on 2008. 6
Andrew Carey - Held up an end while Holliday smashed the bowling to all parts. Looked under cooked with the ball and jaded in the field which left most people wondering what he had been doing during his solo late night training sessions on Clapham common. 6
Paul White - Batted okay, but was lethal with the ball when he got it right. Man of the match. 8
Mark Marriot - smashed a quickfire 8, but refused to bowl until the hapless no.11 arrived at the crease. 6
Jonathan Allen - Scratched around for 0 not out, but showed us all why he is the premier spin bowler as he picked up a crucial wicket. Extra point for organising VIP entry to nightclub which included a champagne reception. 6
Rick Bristow - Out first ball for the second time in his strollers career (statisticians will note he has also been run out without facing a ball). Bowled tidily enough after a terrible first over, but only picked up one wicket, and that was with a rank long hop. 2
Game 2 - Alleyn Adhoc XI, Dulwich
As the team gathered in the reception of their budget Cambridge hotel at 10am on Sunday morning, there were noticeable signs of the excesses of the previous evening, not least on the ghost-like face of Mark Marriot. A suitably greasy spoon was found where the majority of team perked themselves up with a feverish debate about player ratings from the previous day. Marriot meanwhile found a quiet toilet cubicle, where he spent 20 minutes preparing himself both mentally and physically for the game ahead.
Still slightly jaded, but with typical enthusiasm, the Strollers set off for London. Opponents were the Alleyn Adhoc XI, based in Dulwich, who in the pre-match build up had impressed with their website (http://alleyn.play-cricket.com/home/home.asp), their almanac, and most importantly their ethos to the game, which seemed very much aligned with that of the Strollers.
While most of the team made their way to Dulwich without incident, atrocious navigation from Luke Fletcher meant that he and skipper Rick Bristow failed to show up for the toss. Bristow's absence proved costly as Simon Holliday stood in, and while he called correctly, he inexplicably elected to bat first on a deck that was never going to yield 10 wickets; effectively removing the possibility of a Strollers win.
Holliday's next move was to send out Duncan Brown and Aussie Ash to open the innings, and things went from bad to worse as Brown was soon bowled playing all around a straight one. This brought Paddy McGuirk to the crease, who had been scheduled to come in at 11, but his tantrum and subsequent threat to storm off saw him promoted to no.3 by Holliday. As Simon Young noted, this seemed a strange move given that he had only amassed 36 runs since 2005.
Undeterred by Young's analysis, McGuirk set about silencing his critics by dropping anchor and blocking at one end while Ash kept the scoreboard ticking over at the other. It made for some pretty painful viewing, and there was a huge sigh of relief from the sparse crowd when McGuirk was eventually dismissed for an excruciating 4 from 44 balls. Paddy's downcast demeanour as he came back to the sidelines received little sympathy from the waiting Simon Young, who launched a savage and sustained verbal attack which went on for the rest of the day.
Out in the middle, under pressure to get the scoreboard moving the middle order chipped in with some valuable runs. Andrew Carey hit a quick fire 17, Simon Holliday smashed 37 from 17 balls, and Luke Fletcher made a solid, if unspectacular, 36. The star of the show was Ash though, who was eventually dismissed for a beautifully crafted 61.
The tail failed to wag as the lower order folded in a familiar fashion, the only positive being a magnificent straight six from Mark Marriot. Simon Young, relegated to no.10 following his poor run of form again looked out of his depth at this level as he was clean bowled first ball for yet another golden duck. “Where is Doug McAndrew?” some spectators were heard asking.
After a fantastic tea, Strollers took to the field to defend their psychologically significant total of 200. In order to maximise the overs bowled, skipper Bristow elected to open with the Strollers premier spin bowler Jonathan Allen, and Simon Holliday. The decision initially appeared to have backfired as Allen and Holliday were carted to all parts by the Adhoc XI‘s opening batsmen. However, out of nowhere Allen produced a magic full toss which the batsman could only top edge to Simon Holliday who took a fantastic catch at short fine leg. With his tail up, Holliday then chipped in with a couple of wickets of his own.
Some tight bowling then followed from all the “quicks” (Carey, Fletcher, Bristow and Ash), but while this effectively took an Alleyn Adhoc XI victory out of the equation, there was no real penetration. The only chance offerred was a nick behind off Carey which Simon Young failed to gather. The Strollers' 'keeper is a big unit, who usually possesses superhuman agility for this vast frame. However, on this occasion he looked sluggish, and questions are being asked as to whether he should take the gloves for the next game.
Paddy McGuirk was brought into the attack to try and temp the opposition into playing a few shots, and this almost proved too effective as he conceded 37 runs from his 3 overs. Running out of ideas, Bristow turned to Paul “Golden Arm” White. On a hat trick from the previous day, his first ball was hit in the air directly at best mate Duncan Brown, who mysteriously turned his back. Unflustered, Whitey decided to frustrate the batsman by bowling a remarkable 7 consecutive wides. With the batsman completely baffled, Whitey slipped in a straight one which was promptly smashed straight to Simon Holiday at mid-on, who held onto another fine catch.
Suddenly Strollers were in with a sniff, and “go-to” men Holliday and Fletcher were brought back into the attack to finish the game off. Both struck early, with McGuirk taking a brilliant catch off Fletcher over his head to dismiss the opposition top scorer Neville for 55. A further wicket from Holliday left the Adhoc XI 9 down with 4 overs remaining. Surely the Strollers would now march to a memorable victory? Unfortunately not, for unbeknown to the Strollers the Alleyn Adhoc XI's no.11 and captain, Kato Harris, is famous for his stubbornness at the crease. Indeed it was discovered after the game that he had once opened the innings and carried his bat for a remarkable 7 not out from a total of 160. Surely some kind of record? The tired Strollers bowling attack were no match for Harris, and the game petered out in a draw.
Despite the disappointment in the result, the Strollers left the field content that they had taken part in a great game of cricket, against fantastic new opposition - and of course that at the end of the day, the winner was cricket.
Player Ratings Dulwich
Ash - Man of the match on Debut. Scored 61 runs, tidy bowling figures of 4-3-3-1, and took a good catch. Stayed around after the game for PR work. An excellent addition to the Strollers. 8
Duncan Brown - Look reasonably solid until he got bowled by a straight one. Bowled a tidy enough over. Good arm. Adds value off the pitch. 5
Paddy McGuirk - Abject performance both on and off the pitch from McGuirk. Seemed incapable of hitting the ball of the square, bowling seems to have regressed despite claims that he has ironed out technical flaws, but at least took a good catch. Probably not helped by Simon Young's persistent sledging. Strong enough to come back from this. 2
Andrew Carey - Added impetus to the innings after McGuirk's night watchman-like effort with a swash buckling 17. Bowling needs work, although did at least pick up a wicket. An absolute passenger in the field. Needs to work on fitness. Good PR work after the game. 6
Simon Holliday - Another one to get a bit bogged down at the crease with 37 off 17 balls. His very slow left arm bowling was almost a match winner, but questions will be asked of his temperament after seemed to choke somewhat when bowling the final over of the match. 7
Luke Fletcher - Picked up the anchor role after Ash was dismissed. Bowling back to something like its best, although did lack penetration. Good PR work after the game. 7.5
Paul White - Out for a duck, and bowled the longest over in Strollers history (13 balls), but crucially took a wicket. Held an excellent catch, despite looking petrified as the ball headed towards him. 6
Jonathan Allen - 2 runs. Stepped up to the plate in the unfamiliar role of opening bowler and although he was expensive, he dismissed an opening batsman. Has developed into a genuine player. Additional half point for PR work after the game. 5
Mark Marriot - Massive six and tidy enough over despite being the most hung-over man on the pitch. 5
Simon Young - Will feel pressure from Doug McAndrew and Andy Morris after this mediocre performance. Out first ball, dropped an easy catch and question marks as to whether his ever increasing size allows him the agility required at this level. Additional point for relentless Paddy baiting. 3
Rick Bristow - Late for the game, and as skipper must carry some responsibility for not closing the game out. Scored first runs with £400 bat which will come as a relief, and bowled tidily enough. Good PR work after the game. 5
Tim Neale / Matt Wallbridge - Both showed up in the hope of a game, but unfortunately there were no places available, so Tim scored and Matt (plus friend) umpired. Massively appreciated by the team. 10